the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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