we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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