so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
