Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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