If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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