I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
