My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
