Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
