So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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