JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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