I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
