Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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