After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
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