So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
