turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
