I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
