Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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