Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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