You're a womanizer and a bitch.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
It's no shave November. This is our time.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize