Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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