Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I will be naked everywhere
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
