He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
