I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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