I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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