i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Drunk is a universal language darling
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