maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
