Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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