So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
