She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
