I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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