How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
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