threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
