hotel room ftw
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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