my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
You're breaking my sexual little heart
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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