Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
