Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
