Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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