The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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