I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
