Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
