I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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