I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
