does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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