I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
