um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
