Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
