I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i love accidental penises.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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