It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
