They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
