it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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