i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
