So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
