He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
