She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
