Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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