You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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