I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
