Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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