yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Sext me about skeletons
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
