hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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