Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize